Aladdin 4: Jafar may need Glasses
by StupidSequel
Summary: Jafar takes his driving test so he can drive to where Aladdin moved to and kill him, but he fails miserably due to his poor eye sight, so he needs glasses. The Genie has been keeping a dark secret. This fanfic was inspired by that one Family Guy cutaway.


**Aladdin 4: Jafar May Need Glasses**

*Inspired by Family Guy*

Jafar looked up from his newspaper to see Iago flying toward him at supersonic speed.

"I just flew here from Iraq. Aladdin and Jasmine have moved there after getting married so they could visit the Sears Tower," Iago told him urgently.

"Then I have to go there! Stat!" Jafar said triumphantly. "It's payback time for killing me in the lava! Brrr, how I desperately wanna forget the agony! Thank you, Iago, for pretending to turn over a new leaf just to spy on that Aladdin guy." He jogged around the palace a few times to get his heart rate up, and then did a few rigorous cardio workouts to train for the run he would have to do all the way from Agrabah to Iraq. This was a particularly dreadful workout where he would sprint for 20 seconds and walk for 10, and repeat in that pattern.

"Dude, take it easy! There's an easier, faster way to go to Iraq! They just came out with this thing called the automobile, and with it, you don't have to walk anywhere ever again!" Iago spake thusly. Jafar felt his quads and hamstrings turn into a soupy mess of lactic acid.

"Then I've gotta get me one of those things! Ummm, how much do they cost?" Jafar sounded euphoric. Iago put on his nerd glasses.

"Hold on. First, you have to take a written test and get your learner's permit, and then take the actual driving test and if you pass, you get your license. And then you can drive ON YOUR OWN!"

"Hell yeah! I'm gonna get me one of those things! YEAH!" Jafar cheered. He already knew enough about driving that he didn't need a driver's manual, since he always rode with his mother and watched her drive. She had drove a hybrid. That was before she relied on the GPS system a little too much and drove right on the train tracks, where she was struck by a train (cue sound of bowling pins falling).

So they jogged to the DMV (Iago was tied the heck out of to a leash.)

"Are you 16?" The receptionist asked. Jafar narrowed his eyes.

"Dude, I'm 43! God!" Jafar was irritated.

"You gotta prove you're 16 with a birth certificate," the receptionist informed him.

"I DON'T HAVE THAT!" Jafar was bawling like an infant.

"You leave me no choice," the receptionist growled. He got out a chainsaw and chopped Jafar in half and counted the rings. "...41, 42, 43. All right, you really are 43. You can take your permit test now." The receptionist duct taped Jafar back up.

Jafar took the written test and he did not cheat. He was feeling pretty confident. He was thinking about how his mother used to drive really well. She was quite the looker, more-so than Jasmine, maybe.

Three days later...

"I passed! I am God!" Jafar shouted, then hyperventilated. "Now I can take my driving test." After practicing driving that Jalopy that Iago gave to him for a few hours, he went back to the DMV to take the driving test. Jafar gasped in horror. The receptionist asked him to read the eye chart.

"There's no eye chart. That's my final answer." Jafar declared.

"Sorry, dude, but this isn't Who Wants to be a Millionaire. And there is an eye chart. Read off of it, please." The receptionist said sharply.

"Can you move it a little closer so I can see it better?" Jafar requested. The eye chart looked like a fuzzy white thing with small fuzzy, unrecognizable black things. The receptionist shook his head.

"If I did that, it would defeat the point of this vision test."

"Ummm..." _Guess. Guess. Take a wild guess. _"ABCDEFGHIJKLMNOPQRSTUVWXYZ?" Jafar double crossed his fingers.

"No, not even close! But just to teach you a lesson, I'll let you take the driving portion anyway." The receptionist sneered.

Jafar was in the car with the instructor in the back seat. He could barely see what was in front of him cuz he had such bad eye sight.

"If you let me take this car to Iraq, I will give you $100," Jafar offered.

"A hundred dollars? I'm in!" The instructor's eyes lit up. Jafar drove almost to downtown Agrabah, and then he crashed into the side of the palace and flew out of the car. He landed in a bloody heap of broken bones.

"Dang! That hundred dollars could have bought me... ONE GALLON OF GAS!" The instructor said despairingly. The receptionist of the DMV went over to Jafar's broken body and spray painted the words 'EPIC FAIL' on his backside.

"I'm thinkin Jafar may need glasses, huh?" he chuckled.

Then next day, Jafar decided he should see an optometrist.

"The only thing that kept me from snatching that driver's license, I can feel it in my gills." Iago flew behind him and couldn't keep a straight face at seeing the words 'EPIC FAIL' spray painted on his back. He took his Jalopy to JC Penny to see the optometrist. He was surprised to see that the optometrist was the Sultan.

"Oh, I'll be right with you," the Sultan told him. Jafar got out his DS to pass the time and played Pokemon White version. His starter was Tepig and he had trouble defeating a level 2 Pedove with it.

"Me dammit!" Jafar screamed in frustration. Remember, he's a megalomaniac.

"Jafar Schultz," Sultan called. Jafar got up and was led to a room with some kind of nifty machine with a bunch of lenses on it. He sat down before it. Sultan tinkered with it.

"Better or worse?" Sultan wanted to know.

I'll spare you the boring details of the rest of this appointment, except for one, and it is an important plot point. 3...2...1..

"Soon, I will have better vision and I will get that driver's license, and then I will drive to where Aladdin is, and murder him in a gruesome, violent way, and force everyone to watch every gruesome detail!" Jafar blurted out. _Oh Me, I said too much! _Sultan refused to comment and did his work as usual. The appointment went surprisingly smoothly. After the end, Jafar got his new glasses. He put them on and he still could not see. _That bastard gave me the wrong lenses, _he thought angrily. He called the number displayed on the box his glasses came in on his Smart Phone. The Sultan answered the phone with a preppy sounding "What's up wichu?"

"You gave me the wrong lenses! How dare you blaspheme against God like this! I AM GOD!"

"After what you said about going to kill Aladdin, I had to give you the wrong lenses on purpose so that driving would be dangerous. Ha ha! You lost the game!" Sultan boasted. Jafar curled his fingers into a fist in anger, shaking it. He wanted to punch that guy's face off through the phone.

"If he won't give me the correct lenses, I'll just have to make them myself," he decided. He and Iago went over to an auto parts store.

"Can I help you?" The mechanic asked.

"Get him, Iago!" Jafar commanded. Iago charged at the mechanic faster than he could lose a life playing Kaizo Mario World. Now that the mechanic was distracted, Jafar could steal the arc welder without him noticing. His plan was to use heat to warp the lenses to turn them into the correct shape for his eyes. Not only was it risky, but it was also extremely difficult, for he had no physics lessons, and so this series of attempted warpings of the lenses would take much trial and error. He also had to try not to melt the glass in a soupy mess or else he'd be screwed.

So he applied the welder flame to his glasses and the glass bubbled a wee little bit. When he was done, he tried them on.

"So how does everything look?" Iago asked.

"How did you grow ten feet tall all of a sudden?" Jafar was surprised. Iago face palmed, or rather, face winged. He tried again. The lenses looked warped and disfigured beyond recognition from the arc welder. He had not burned himself yet, surprisingly.

He tried this boring, repetitive pattern of warping the lenses of his glasses, and trying them on, and not being able to see through completely random trial and error. I will spare you all the boring details.

Finally, 45 years later, he found an exact lens warp shape with the blow torch that would allow him to see perfectly fine. It was all through random trial and error because he was too lazy to do some math in the form of basic geometry. To give you an idea of the difficulty, try to imagine putting a bunch of car parts in a huge bag, enough to build a whole car, and randomly shake the bag randomly so that all the parts would make a correctly built car. He just happened to find the right Planck Length by accident. Woo hoo! Now the plot can move on!

So he put on his glasses and took his driving test again. He was able to see the eye chart perfectly fine, and he passed the actual driving test with flying colors. Parallel parking was somehow easier than four way stops. His driver's license photo showed him sticking up his middle finger. He was reflecting about how he sucked at math. He could not do anything beyond basic algebra, and fractions were basically like trying to punch out Cthulhu by using your nose hairs. One time in high school, he tried to say that the square root of 2 divided by 2 would equal just the square root symbol with nothing under it. His logic was that the 2 on the top and the 2 on the bottom would cancel, leaving just the square root symbol. Even after his teachers repeatedly marked it wrong, he still insisted he was right, because he insisted that he was God. He was finally allowed to waive all his math requirements. Jafar smiled thinking about how miserable the "normal" students would be just having to take the math classes that he missed. _Suckerz!_

So Jafar drove his Jalopy almost to the border when he found that he was running low on gas. He stopped at Chevron and looked up.

"A hundred dollars for a gallon of gas? Screw this!" He stormed in the gas station and pulled a gun on the clerk.

"Gimme... what's 100 times ummm... 32? Ummm... this Jalopy takes 32 gallons of gas to fill up, I think, and 1 times 100 is 100, so by that pattern... Augh! This is so hard!" Jafar was frustrated. He also felt awkward for trying attempting armed robbery without first knowing how much money he wanted to steal. He put the gun down and had an epiphany. _If gas costs a hundred bucks a gallon, then I can just steal some right now and the police won't bother to follow me because they won't be able to fill their cars up either. Unless they're thinking the same thing I am, but they'll be stopped by more police, unless those police can't come because gas costs too much. Augh, this is confusing, so I'll just take some gas right now without paying for it. _Jafar swallowed his gun and ran out. He pumped some gas in his Jalopy and sped off. The cops came after him. "Aw crap!" Jafar spat. He pulled over.

"Are you aware that you drove off without paying for gas?" the officer asked calmly.

"Yes, but big deal. I'm sure you guys do it too!" Jafar said defiantly.

"How does he know?" one of the cops said to another.

"Touche. Well, take care, and may God Bless You." The cops blew him a kiss and sped off.

"I like how they tell me to bless myself, since I am God," Jafar said. He drove some more and on and on he went, stopping at a Sheets convenience store and ordering the best fajita ever. He and Iago each had one. After that, they headed to Iraq. "That Aladdin boy will be dead in no time flat! Thank you once again, Iago, for spying on him." Jafar praised. A low purr was rising from Iago's throat.

When they got to Iraq, they did not know what part of Iraq to search to find Aladdin and Jasmine, so they went random directions, narrowly missing projectiles and ammunition. _They must be fighting some kind of war! Oh my Me! _Iago had that 'oh crap' look on his face.

"I am so stupid! They're not in Iraq, they're in Iran! How could I have confused the country names! Such a critical one letter difference," Iago panicked. Jafar was shocked out of his mind. Suddenly a grenade hit his Jalopy and Jafar was blown to bits. Iago was able to escape in time because, you know, animals are awesome :)

Iago flew over to Iran to visit Aladdin, Jasmine, Genie, and carpet in their condo.

"Where the hell were you?" Jasmine scolded. "Your dinner has gotten cold!" Genie had a look of guilt on his face.

"Everyone, I have something to confess!" Genie announced. "Right before Jafar's lamp fell in the magma, he wished to be brought back to life one final time, and I granted his wish. I wish I hadn't." Genie cried. "I did it because if I didn't, then I would be a bad Genie!"

"Dude, do not fret," Iago said amusingly. He turned on the news. There was a segment on about a guy wearing black robes, a turban, and a goatee getting blown to bits smack dab in the Iraq war.

"He must have thought that Iraq was Iran, or the other way around," the reporter could not keep a straight face when he said that. Aladdin and Jasmine chuckled at Jafar's death. Iago looked sad.

"Dude, are you crying? You're on our side, remember?" Aladdin said.

"Umm, I have something in my eye and I like it there." Iago lied.

"Okay then."

*EPILOGUE*

Jafar found himself in a dark lit place full of fire and brimstone, with the stench of sulfur and burning flesh. There were huge muscular red guys holding pitch forks.

"Hello, Jafar, my newest fallen one! I am Satan! Welcome to hell, where you will be tortured for all eternity! Have fun!" Satan said with a triumphant laugh. He strapped Jafar to a chair and a stereo blasted Disney channel pop music, rap music, and he was forced to watch straight to DVD animated sequels for all eternity. He did not like it one bit.


End file.
